Hearts can heal - personal stories

First off, I'd just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has helped make this project what it is. Whether it was by spreading the facts about the issues discussed, showing support to those affected by wearing patched hearts or by sending in pictures/stories for today's post, I just want to say how grateful I am for your participation.

The video has now been uploaded to YouTube, which you can below:

You can read some of the stories from the video (as well as a few that I sadly couldn't squeeze in) below.

"I used to self-harm, my family tried to help me and with this blind hope in my heart I eventually believe in happiness again. We all have in ourselves the power." 

"I really hope I can help someone with my story, so here I go.

I was born and raised at my grandmother’s house. I used to see my mom everyday, but of course it wasn’t the same thing. I lived there until I was 9/10.

I was a pretty quiet and shy child, awful at making friends. My parents got divorced when I was 8, but to be honest, it wasn’t even a big shock. Me and my dad never spent much time together, we’re not even close now. He doesn’t care about me, but that’s okay I guess, at least my mom loves me.

All my problems started when I went to 7th grade. By the time, I was already living with my mom.

My cousin’s death was the worst.

At school, kids used to make fun of me for many reasons. Because I was shy, because I didn’t had lots of friends, I wasn’t invited lots of times to birthday parties like them and so on. I only had 2 or 3 friends. I was always sad.

Things went out of control when I went to 10th grade. New class, same hell. They used to make fun of me, call me names, ignore me. It was just too much pain, so I end up dropping out of school.

In last year’s January I was diagnosed with major depression. Everything was dark and appointments didn’t helped that much. I started to self-harm in june of the same year. It was the only way I found to cope with everything. In july, I attemped suicide for the 2nd time. My mom found me and took me to the hospital, where I stayed for a month.

For 2 months, everything was fine, I seemed to be getting better and I was getting a bit happy about that. But in October I relapsed again. I was cutting myself again pretty often, I just wanted to be alone, my grades were awful and I had anxiety attacks pretty much every single day. I spent the last 8 months felling horrible and suffering in silence, because I thought I wasn’t worth recovering.

Last Sunday, I tried to kill myself again. I was mentally done. But my mom found and saved me again. After that, I took a deep breath and decided that I want to recover. It will be a long journey, but I think I can do it. This time I feel a little bit more strong to go on.

I’m free of self-harm since Monday. And on Thursday, I threw all my blades away. I don’t wanna cut myself again, I want to recover and not relapse over and over again. So, I really hope me and everyone going through this kind of situation can get through this! Never give up!" 

"Hey everyone, my name is Gissel and I suffer from recurrent depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. I'm prescripted on alot of medication and go to therapy with a psychiatrist. Let me tell you soemthing: I know how it feels like and I understand you. I know how it feels like to feel down all the time and not even being able to get out of bed sometimes, or feeling anxious about everything and how some people think you're just "nervous" or overreacting, yes, I understand you. There's a lot of people who does. You're not alone, even if it seems so, you are NOT alone. I used to think I was and tried to commit suicide several times but I'm still here and maybe there's a reason why: we all have a plan here; we have a purpose on Earth. You know, the first time I tried to kill myself, I took a lot of sleeping pills and wanted to take more, but "Turn It Off" by Paramore started playing (it was my ringtone) and it stoped me to take more. That's why I believe everything happens for a reason and if we're still here, it's because we're gonna do something amazing. We all have a purpose here, believe it or not. No matter what you're dealing with right now, it will get better and you will heal.

Life is hard and sometimes it seems like everything gets worse instead of better, but your time will come and everything will be alright. Just keep in mind that you are not alone. There will be always someone for you."

"Domestic abuse is an issue which used to be shrouded in mist, and a mystery to me. I thought it was something that only happened in third world countries, and didn't effect me. But as I've been gaining more respect and trust from my parents, I've been hearing more and more about just how issues like this can be on our doorstep without knowing. My Mum's a social worker for families effected by substance misuse and addiction, and so every now and then she'll come home and have to vent about her day, as it can wear on her an awful lot as she often feels very close to her clients. With this, it's opened my eyes to the fact that domestic abuse is everywhere, and it arises in many different ways."

"I suffered from undiagnosed depression and anxiety for about a year and a half before I got help, and I used self-harm to deal with it (this is an ongoing battle I hope to win). Around this time two of my friends died within 3 months of eachother, which didn't help my situation. I struggled alone for a long time, until I became so scared of the shell of a person I'd turned into and told someone about what was going on.

It's not been easy, I've tried different medications, types of therapy etc. and in November of last year, I was hospitalised for a suicide attempt. I've been at my lowest and I'm fighting my way back. I go to various types of sessions, including art therapy, and I think I'm becoming 'myself' again, slowly but surely.

An important part of recovery is to not just give up when things are difficult, it's important to keep fighting and stay strong. The same goes for a person helping someone through recovery: you have to stay by their side when things are hard and guide them through.

I'm always here for anyone in need of someone to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I've been there, I'm still there, and I want to help.

Twitter: @asdfghjklydia

Tumblr URL: b-r-i-n-k-o-f-d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r

You are more than what you're going through. "

"My name is Shannon and I'm 16 years old. Basically, I haven't told many other people but it's a thing I've got where, when I get either really angry or really upset, I bite my arm or else drag my nails down my arm - a form of self harm. I haven't gone to the extremities of using a blade, but I've thought about it more times than not.

My family would fight with me a lot. I have a little cousin who is 3 years old and anything that she would do, it would be blamed on me, and I know that sounds completely childish, but it's been going on since she was born. She's a little bugger too who would scrab at you and give you little evil looks, then if I walked away, she'd scream the house down and people would scream at me and her mum would hit me really hard, depending on how bad the situation is. So it's usually when it comes to this that I would 'self harm'.

Although, that's not the main reason. I'm one of the many people who hates their body. I feel like I'm way too fat and that nobody would ever like me and every time I look at myself in the mirror, I'm always close to crying, it's that bad. My best friend has been the most supporting person in the entire world and I love her to pieces. She's always giving me pep talks and talking me through things, which I always do the same for her as well. We're always there for each other and it's just the best feeling in the world when I know I've got someone to talk to.

I also have a mild case of Chronic Insomnia. It's obviously not severe and should eventually go away in time, but it's never all too good because it melts my head so much.

Recently, when things have gotten extremely bad, I've briefly had suicidal thoughts but I've never dawned upon them, they've just skimmed along and then they've been ignored.

I guess that my little story isn't much of a big heart breaking or bad thing, but for the person that people think I am, they really don't understand how I really feel sometimes. It was just a little something I wanted to share with you.

In the end though, I always overcome the thoughts, and even though I still bite or scratch, it just helps me to calm down a little more, so I know when to take a breather."

"I’ve always been thankful for the life I lead. The experiences that I’ve had, the people that I’ve met… everything. Even so, I wouldn’t go ahead and say that my life is easy.

I’ve always had a depressive edge. Something that strayed me away from happiness and led me down the path of self-destruction. I’ve been self-harming in various ways since I was around nine years old.

A couple of years ago, one of my loved ones got diagnosed with a terminal illness. The self-harming intensified. My depressive periods, once lasting for only a few days at a time, now stayed for weeks on end. I felt hopeless and alone. The stress of school and keeping it ‘all together’ for my family’s sake got far too much, and I became increasingly suicidal. After a close-encounter with a bottle of bleach and a handful of pills, I decided that I wanted to live. I wanted to live long enough to make my life better for myself, and more importantly, to try helping other people make their lives better too.

Whatever darkness you find yourself in right now, know this: it will soon pass. That is as certain as the fact that day follows night. You will find some light in your life soon. It might not be tomorrow, or the next day, but it will happen and it will happen soon. Don't compare yourself to others, or feel inferior because you don't have this, or look like that. You are exactly as you were meant to be, and anyone that cannot appreciate that does not deserve to be in your life."

"My name's Paula and I want to be as brief as I can telling you my story. 

When I was a little girl, I used to be so fat. I was until two years ago, when my body started to change a little bit. All my life was spent hearing rude words about my body. When I was 15, the whole high school started bully me. Therewith, I had a boyfriend who made me psychological abuse. So, with all of this mixed, I started to cut myself. I remember that one day I woke up and I was in the shower. I remember that I caught a safety razor and I can't remember how, but the next thing I saw was my ankle bleeding with a 12 centimetres cut. I tried to stop the bleeding with a tourniquet and then I thought about the only thing I had in life: Paramore, and then I realized that I didn't want to die, that I could move on, because they always gave me the strength to keep going and never stop moving forward. They were my saviors. After all this, I started to be more stronger than I ever was and all the people who used to bully me, stopped. The guy I was dating and I ended the relationship and everything started to be alright.

Now I'm alright. I have friends that care about me and I love them. I saw Paramore three times live, and they put me on stage on Luxembourg. I've met amazing people thanks to Paramore and I'm not hurting myself anymore.

Just think that life puts you in your place and life is a roller coaster, sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, but the most important thing is that someday you'll be up for a long time, because life always gives you second chances. It's worth staying strong even though you're buried down, someday all your expectations and dreams will come true. Just eliminate the negative of your life and keep the positive closer, Hayley knows this and you should too! I hope my story inspires some of you and gives you support."

"I have suffered with depression since I was 18 years old. I'm now almost *cough* 28. I turned to self harm as a form of coping and control at the age of 18, taking the form of cutting, biting and hitting. The control it gave me over my emotions was heady and gave me an outlet for the intense rage I felt and still feel to this day. It was as if all the anger I felt was in one arm, and if I cut, all the pain and rage I felt would be released and dissipate. That only helped in the short term. Long term, I'd end up feeling guilty and even more angry with myself for being so stupid. And so began a vicious cycle. Every time I ended up in A & E needing stitches, it made me feel even worse. I made a conscious decision to stop self harming. Around the same time, I decided I needed to lose weight and go on a diet. At the time I was kicking around a size 12/14. In no way was I obese (like I thought). However, I decided to restrict myself to no more than 500 calories a day. Ultimately, after less than a year after this decision, I ended up anorexic with size 4 clothes that hung from my bones. I waited so long for NHS treatment that I eventually developed Bulimia, which boosted my weight marginally (I'm now a size 6/8) but I've been left with broken/removed teeth, crap hair, no periods and potentially osteoporosis and decreased fertility. I get anxious if I cannot either binge or restrict. If I miss an opportunity to binge I get angry and irritable. If I cannot restrict...again, I get angry and irritable.. I get anxious if I'm surprised with a meal at a restaurant. I can't handle it and kick off. I can't look in the mirror and see what others see, i see a huge, ugly person looking back at me. Yet if i look at a photograph I think "oh well my arms are quite thin, and my thighs don't touch, but then i have fat rolls at my underarms". I cannot physically see a true version of myself. The number of times I've cancelled a night/day out cos I've managed to convince myself that something is going to go horribly wrong is unreal. Mental health in all forms, whether it be a personality disorder, an ED, self harm, anxiety or depression, is horrendous to live with for both the sufferer and their family, friends and partners. The crushing depression I've dealt with, I can't begin to describe. This is made worse by the intense guilt I feel about the hell I've put those closest to me through. The amount of times I've made plans to end my life, 1) to make it easier for myself, cos I can't handle my thoughts and feelings anymore, and 2) to make things easier for everyone else, is impossible to count.

The "hearts can heal" project is so important, to try and dispel ANY stigma and shame associated with mental health issues. I hate to think that I am a source of shame to anyone."

If you would like to share your experiences with some of the hearts can heal issues with us, then please, feel free to do so in the comments below.

Once again, thank you so much to everyone who has participated in this project. No matter how small your contribution to it has been, please believe me when I say that is has been much appreciated.

Suicide

Suicide is a topic that isn't talked about openly enough. 

There are times when we'll scream for help only for society to define our shouts as attention seeking behaviour and for them to muzzle us accordingly. There are jokes being made about suicide in the presence of those who have attempted or seriously considered attempting it, and those people say nothing out of fear. There are adverts on television and magazines about the issue, which families and friends awkwardly ignore. What are we supposed to do, after all? The topic is tabooed. Besides, it's not like ignoring the issue is going to kill anybody, is it?

The problem is, it is. Because with every passed opportunity to talk about suicide, the problem quietly rages on, in the hearts and minds of individuals too terrified to speak up in-case they fall victim to the terrible stigma that accompanies the issue.

  



The brutal truth is, every thirty seconds, someone in the world takes their own life. That's roughly two thousand, eight hundred and eighty people per day that are dying because of the stigma surrounding suicide. Those people may be strangers to you or I, but they are someone's child. They are someone's sibling. They are someone's best friend. They all had lives ahead of them filled with new experiences and opportunities, but for whatever heartbreaking reason, they felt as though they couldn't deal with the pain they were presently feeling, and decided that death was the better option for them.




So, what causes people to feel this way? There are countless different reasons that someone would feel suicidal, with mental health issues, bullying, mourning, alcohol dependency, substance abuse, problems at home, financial problems or significant changes in their day to day life being the most common. Scientists also note that those with low levels of the serotonin are between six to ten times more likely to commit suicide than those of who have normal levels of the brain transmitter.





The thing is, people could feel suicidal for any reason. And this reason might seem quite trivial to you, but to this individual, it clearly makes them feel desperately unhappy, and you should therefore take it very seriously. Passing judgement on someone's 'right' to feel suicidal happens terrifyingly often, but is never acceptable. Feeling judged might cause the person in question to stop discussing what they are going through with anyone, which significantly increases their likelihood of attempting suicide. 



A terrifying amount of people are feeling suicidal right now, and some don't verbally express these feelings of hopelessness. Know the signs:


Any major disappointments or setbacks (i.e. failing exams, getting fired)
Difficulties sleeping, particularly staying asleep
Feeling isolated and useless
Sudden changes in mood (this can be a negative change, such as social withdrawal, or so called 'positive' changes, such as a sense of calmness)
Talking about death, particularly suicide
Giving away personal belongings, or tying up loose-ends
Taking less care of themselves than they usually do (i.e. eating poorly, lack of concern over personal appearance)

If you are dealing with someone who is feeling suicidal, then my advice to you is simply to listen to them and offer your support. Don't pass judgement, or act as though you know everything they are telling you. Understand that what they are telling you is most likely incredibly difficult for them to say. Encourage them to get professional help. Ensure them that there is absolutely no shame in doing so, and that you will be right by their side if they need you.




Sometimes life can feel like a challenge, sometimes it can appear before us as a mountain we must climb alone, whose peak is among the clouds, out of mind and out of reach. On our bad days, the very thought of the climb seems exhausting and every fibre of our being will scream for us to just give up. And it is on these days that we must remind ourselves why we began to make the ascent in the first place: our view of the world will be incomplete until we find ourselves on top of that mountain, until we can take a deep breath and look down upon the world below in a manner in which only Gods could. Because that view is your proof that the best perceptions of the world come from the eyes and minds of those who have experienced the most pain. I'm not telling you that the climb will be easy. It will involve a lot of clawing and struggling time and time again to find your feet. It's not easy, but then again, neither is life. And sure, it may not be easy, but I guarantee you, it is certainly worth it. 


As bad as you feel right now, know this: it gets better. You will move past this and look upon this time in your life as a changing point, a time where you could have chosen destruction, but instead chose to soldier on. 

Every breath is a second chance, each heartbeat the start to a new story. We are only human. We make mistakes and hurt in ways that no other known beings can. We are flawed creatures, but regardless, we are loved. We have parents and friends and lovers and relatives... And each one loves us in a way completely unique to them. You might not think that anyone would miss you, but you wouldn't be right. There are people in your life to whom you are their entire world. Seven billions souls, and yours is the only one that they feel connected to in this way. And do you know why that is? Because you are a beautiful and intelligent person and because, above all else, you are unique.


I know that the world can seem unbelievably dark somedays, and that the thought of even a pinprick of light penetrating that darkness sounds like an impossibility. If I could wish for a single thing, it would be for this message to be someone's pinprick. But I'm not that great with words, so perhaps this post will illuminate your world only in the form of pixels... And in that case, I apologise for wasting your time. 


I just wanted to remind you that I care about you. I care about your well-being. I care about your life. And I know that somedays, it begins to feel as there's no other option better than death... But there are people out there who would do anything to see you smile again, and they'll help you, if you will only allow them to do so.



I'll sign off by saying this...



When all you can see is a thick veil of darkness, remind yourself that the universe is not devoid of all light. The stars and the moon and the sun are still out there, just waiting for the right time to emerge. Have faith that they will appear once more, and remember that all you need to do is stay alive long enough to bathe in their light.

Mental disorders

One in four people will experience some sort of mental health problem this year. Whether it is a type of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia or something else entirely... a quarter of us will have some form of experience with the symptoms of mental disorders.

The thing that mystifies me is not how many people are affected by the symptoms of mental health issues, but rather, why society still struggles to treat sufferers with the respect that they both need and deserve. It's all too common to hear "cheer up!" being shouted at someone dealing with depression, or for an anxiety sufferer to be told to "snap out of it". 

Shouting cheer up to someone suffering from depression is like telling someone with a broken leg to walk it off.
Telling someone with anxiety to snap out of it is like telling someone who is bound by ropes to cut themselves loose.
It isn't as easy as telling yourself that your pain does not exist. For it does exist. And it is incapacitating. The sooner we realise that this is not something that we can simply ignore, the better. 

The truth is, the majority of society are painfully uneducated when it comes to mental health issues, resulting in misconceptions that have become all too common a sight.

For example, I find it terrifying that so many people believe that you can snap out of a depressive state with positive thought alone, that you can deny that you are in a great deal of emotional pain and that it will go away if you don't give it the attention that it craves. Stephen Fry described it best when he likened depression to the weather. If it rains when you are outside, do you deny that you are wet? If the sun disappears behind a cloud, do you insist that it is still a beautiful day? If the temperature plummets and you find goosebumps lining your arms, do you still convince yourself that it is warm? No. Because it's not under your control. 

And that's precisely what mental disorders are like. They are not under your control. 

Positive thoughts and denial will not cure you of your issues, so we should stop pretending that it can.

I think that the thing we need to remember is that no matter how terrible we may feel right now, no matter how hopeless, or useless, or just plain hurt we are at the present moment... this feeling shall soon pass. The clouds will have mercy on our tiny bodies. The sun will come out once more. The temperature will rise and allow us to bask in the light. And we shall live to see this day, with weathered minds, and we will be stronger for going through these experiences.

To the lucky three quarters of society who won't have to personally deal with mental disorders this year...

You will know someone who is going through this pain, and the likelihood is that they are going to need you at some point. Educate yourself on their issue, regardless of whether that is depression, bipolarity, anxiety, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder... whatever it is, just have a quick google and try to familiarise yourself with their disorder. It makes it seem a lot less daunting if you get the facts, instead of the insane lies that are often spread from person to person about them. Other than that, just be there for them, remind them often that you are there for them (it's so easy to forget that) and above all else, don't pass judgement on them. 

The more we talk about various mental disorders, the more the stigma surrounding them shrinks, and the sooner we can get help to those who truly need it.
  
If you want to find out more about the many different types of depression, click here. 
If you want to find out more about the many different types of anxiety disorders, click here.
If you want to find out more about schizophrenia, click here.

Depression

Depression is...

Common

One in five people are expected to go through depression at some point in their lives. 

Difficult to spot

Sometimes, those suffering from depression hide their true feelings from their friends and family. Some others do not even know that they are suffering from depression, because they think that they don't have anything worth feeling depressed about.  

Know the signs:

• Periods of sadness or continuous low moods
• Finding difficulty in enjoying things once pleasurable (i.e. sports, art)
• Changes in eating habits
• Difficulty sleeping, or staying asleep
• Lack of energy
• Loss of interest in sex
• Socialising less than usual
• Feeling restless
• Feeling hopeless, or worthless
• Thoughts of suicide, or self-harm

Non-judgemental

Depression can affect anyone, at any time. It doesn't matter if they 'have it all'. Someone who is well-liked, with a great paying job and a family can be just as depressed as someone who is in a less fortunate state.

Complex

Contrary to common belief, there are many different types of depression:

• Major depressive disorder - Someone is diagnosed with this type of depression when they experience persistent depressed moods that lasts for at least 2 weeks at a time, and suffer from at least five of the symptoms described above on a daily basis. If something positive happens to them, they are not likely to see their mood improve.
• Atypical depression - Those with atypical depression experience the same type of symptoms as those with major depressive disorder, but will see their mood improve if something positive happens to them. They also suffer from less depressive symptoms than those with major depressive disorder do.
• Psychotic depression - This is a subtype of major depressive disorder, and is diagnosed when the sufferer experiences psychotic symptoms such as delusions or hallucinations in addition to their depressive symptoms.
• Bipolar disorder - People who suffer from bipolar disorder see their moods swinging from one extreme (depression) to the other (mania).
• Cyclothymia - Cyclothymia is a mild form of bipolar disorder.
• Dysthymia - A mild form of major depressive disorder
• Postnatal depression - A type of depression that affects women after giving birth
• Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) - This form of depression affects sufferers during a particular season. Winter, most commonly. People are not sure of what exactly causes SAD, but it is linked with a lack of sunlight.

Depression is not...

Curable

Sadly, there is no cure for depression. There are however, ways to combat it:

• Therapy (there are many different types, so do your research to find the one that works best for you)
• Medication (the same goes for medication. It usually takes a bit of trial and error to find the drug that works best for you
• SAD lamps
• Healthy eating
• Excercise
• Reduce stress
• Get sufficient sleep
• Acupuncture
• Find some relaxation techniques (yoga, deep breathing etc)
• Have a good support system around you (friends, family, therapists etc)

Finding something that works well for you takes time and patience. Don't lose heart if one form of medication or therapy doesn't work out for you. It often takes a few attempts to find the one that is right for you.

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is...

1. A psychotic disorder

Schizophrenia makes it very difficult for the sufferer to differentiate imagination from reality. Dreams, thoughts and perceptions become mixed up with actual events. 

2. Split into two different types of symptoms

Schizophrenia is a complex mental disorder, and the way it is diagnosed reflects this. The symptoms are split into two different categories:

• Positive symptoms - these are symptoms that result in a change of behaviour, or thoughts. Hallucinations, thought disorder and delusions are examples of 'positive' symptoms.
• Negative symptoms - these are the emotional responses that schizophrenic sufferers lack. This can leave them feeling apathetic and uninterested. The negative symptoms of schizophrenia can cause people to feel uncomfortable in social settings, uninterested in activities they once found enjoyable and it can also cause their sleeping patterns to change, and their concentration levels to dwindle. 

3. More likely to affect some people than others

Although schizophrenia is not caused by something specific, there are a number of things that increase the likelihood of developing the disorder. Genetics, stress, imbalanced neurotransmitter levels, brain development, drug use and pregnancy/birth complications can all increase the likilhood of you suffering from the mental disorder.

Schizophrenia is not...

1. Caused by drug use

Although it is true that schizophrenia is not caused by drug use, it can increase your likelihood of developing the disorder. Studies show that  teenagers under 15 who regularly use cannabis are up to four times more likely to develop schizophrenia by the time they reach 26.

2. The same as multiple personality disorder

Multiple personality disorder (now known as dissociative personality disorder) results in the sufferer experiencing multiple personalities/identities. People often mistake this with schizophrenia, but the truth is, they are very different.


3. Dangerous

Some people believe that schizophrenics are more dangerous than others, but it's believed that they are no more dangerous than the rest of the population, and that they are actually more likely to be victims of violence rather than perpetrators.

Anxiety

Anxiety is...

Common

In fact, more than 1 in 10 people are expected to suffer from a disabling anxiety disorder at one point in their lives or another.

Affected by a number of risk factors

Anxiety is not caused by a certain thing, however; genetics, brain chemistry, environment, drug use, personality and life events can all make you more likely to develop anxiety issues

Easy to spot (if you know the signs)

There are two different types of symptoms when it comes to anxiety: physical and psychological. 

The physical symptoms of anxiety are:

• A racing heartbeat
• Sweating
• Shortness of breath
• Dizziness
• Headaches 
• Insomnia
• Nausea
• Dry mouth
• Tightness in chest
• Tremors (body shaking) 
• Pins and needles

The psychological symptoms of anxiety are:

• Concentration problems
• Feeling of impending doom
• Constantly on the lookout for danger
• Restlessness
• Irritability
• Fear of losing control
• Feelings of detachment

Anxiety is not...

Simple

Anxiety is usually treated as one thing, but in reality, there are seven different types of anxiety disorders:

• Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) - This is the main type of anxiety disorder, and it is the one that most people are referring to when they say anxiety. If you feel as though you are constantly on edge without a specific reason (or without the ability to take a break from these feelings), then it is likely that you are suffering from GAD.
• Social anxiety - It is normal to experience some sort of anxiety when in public, or interacting with people you don't know very well, but when this anxiety becomes overwhelming, then you might be suffering from social anxiety. Those with social anxiety may view social interactions as being painful and distressing, or live with the constant fear of being judged, remarked upon, or avoided.
• Panic disorder - Possibly one of the most severe types of anxiety disorders. Panic disorder causes sufferers to feel a sense of doom or fear so intense, that they can end up hospitalised. Those who suffer from panic disorder have what are known as panic attacks. Panic attacks are what happens when your body receives a rush of intense mental and physical symptoms, usually occurring at anxious times, or in response to stressful situations.
• Agoraphobia - Agoraphobia is the fear of certain environments, such as public spaces. Some agoraphobes are afraid of public transport and try to avoid that, whereas others try to avoid leaving their house at all. 
• Phobias - A fear develops into a phobia when someone begins to alter their life in an attempt to avoid coming into contact with whatever they are afraid of. 
• Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - People who experience a traumatic experience (e.g. serving in war) are likely to suffer from this particular type of anxiety disorder. Sufferers often relive the event that caused their PTSD, which causes them a lot of distress. They also experience symptoms such as insomnia, or difficulty concentrating, as well as feelings of guilt, isolation or irritability.
• Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - OCD is the term used to describe unwanted thoughts that compel you to carry out certain repetitive and ritualised behaviours that can affect your day to day life. You are probably aware that these behaviours are irrational, but feel the need to do them anyway. Things such as repetitive hand washing or checking that you locked the front door multiple times are classic examples of obsessive compulsive behaviour. Thoughts can either be obsessive (thoughts, images or impulses that recur time after time in your mind, regardless of whether or not you want them to) or compulsive (rituals that you find yourself carrying out again and again).

Easy to overcome

Despite what some people think, anxiety is not as simple as "getting over it". It can become debilitating, which is something that people tend not to realise.

Curable 

Like other mental disorders, anxiety has no cure. That isn't to say that sufferers are helpless however. There are a number of ways that those suffering from anxiety can combat it:

• Relaxation techniques
• Self-help groups
• Psychotherapy
• Medication 

It might take a while to find out what works best for you, and may take a bit of trial and error before you can get it right.

Eating disorders

Not thin enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not good enough. 

It's terrible, but these three thoughts affect a lot of people (both male and female) on a daily basis, individuals who, over the years, have been led to believe that their worth in this world is solely dependent on their physical appearance. 

The truth is, what you look like, how much you weigh... the only person that it truly matters to is you. And those external people who act as though your looks make a shred of a difference to who you are inside, or how much they will like you... well, believe me when I say that those are not the kind of people that you want in your life in the first place, let alone want to change yourself for.

The term eating disorder is quite a general term which covers a lot of different bases, however, the three most common types of eating disorders out there are:

• Anorexia nervosa - sufferers end up starving themselves, exercising excessively and forcing sickness in the attempt to lose as much weight as possible
• Bulimia nervosa - sufferers will eat vast quantities of food before purging it. It will often start as a way to deal with emotional problems, but it can become habitual, and quickly turns into a bitter cycle of self-hatred and guilt 
• Binge eating - much like those suffering from bulimia, binge-eaters will eat vast quantities of food, however, they do not partake in the purging that follows bulimic binges.

These issues are often joked about on TV shows or in movies, but in reality, they are no laughing matter. 70 million people worldwide cope with some sort of eating disorder, and it is estimated that 50,000 of them will die as a direct result of their troubled relationship with food. 

It's startling, but sadly, it's true.

Eating disorders often start during periods of depression, anger, anxiety or feelings of inadequacy, but can also stem from poor relationships with family members, sexual abuse, substance use or the desire to conform with society's 'expectations' of them. Each case is individual to the sufferer and should be treated as such. What caused one person's illness might not have had any affect on another's, and a treatment that one person responds to might not work for someone else suffering from the same thing.

I also feel as though it's important to point out that you probably know of someone who is currently going through some type of eating disorder, and that you might be simply unaware of their suffering. Those experiencing the problem often hide it from their loved ones, seen as it causes them to feel so much pain and guilt. They don't want others to know of their shame. They don't want to share their pain with others. They don't want to cause their loved ones to worry.

Eating disorders can quickly turn meal-times into nightmares, and the mirror into your worst enemy. It's an intense condition that can put individuals lives in danger and rip families apart, yet it is never given the attention that it deserves. Those less educated on the matter believe that the problem can be solved simply by eating more (or, in the case of binge eating, eating less) and "getting a hold of yourself". The thing is, eating disorders stem from a complex relationship with food and this results in eating regular meals at regular times becoming a very difficult task for some people.

How do we tackle eating disorders?

I wish I had a straight-forward answer, a definitive, mathematical solution to this complex issue, but I can only offer you my opinion. And my opinion is this: if we are to help the millions of sufferers out there, then we need to tame society's obsession with physical appearance, we need to educate people on the facts of eating disorders and most of all, we need to show sufferers that we are here for them and that we are willing to give them our support. 

No judgement.
No fear.

Because we can say "This is what you need to do" until we are blue in the face, we can lecture and beg until our words lose all meaning, but really, what good is it going to do? We need to hear their story if we truly want to help them recover. Loudly preaching will only drown out the importance of their words. Honestly... just listen. Let them talk, let them cry, let them do whatever feels natural, because it feels good to open up to someone and finally let the weight of the world fall off of your shoulders for a while.

Sometimes, it feels as though your eating habits is one of the few things that you are in control of, but just remember: you are in control of your own recovery too. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it will be easy. In fact, it will be a long and difficult road to recovery. That being said (and this I can assure you) it will be so worth it.

If you want to go on this journey, then all you've got to do is have the courage to take the first step. Sometimes the road to recovery can seem like a lonely path, but when that seems to be the case, just remember that you will never be alone on this journey, no matter how dark the skies overhead become, or how much your muscles begin to ache, there will always be someone walking alongside you, spurring you on. 

Self harm

It is said that 1 in 10 young people have self harmed in the past or will go on to do so in the future.

With such a high number of people being affected by this issue, it begs the question: why is self harm still surrounded by a multitude of misconceptions and an overwhelming stigma?

I think that comes down to two main reasons...

1. People are not being sufficiently educated about self harm
2. The issue is not being openly discussed about nearly as much as it should be

The thing is, even people who have self harmed in the past have difficulty understanding the issue. It is extremely complex. There is not one, singular reason that people turn to self harm in their times of need. The reasons why people self-harm is endless. Some do it when they're angry or frustrated, others do it because they'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Some do it when they feel scared, or confused, or alone, or just plain sad. 
The truth is, self harm is a coping technique. A destructive one it may be, but it helps people to cope with feelings that they struggle to understand, because it allows them to turn their emotional pain into physical pain. A pain that has an obvious reason for existing. 

If you cut yourself, then you know why you're hurting. You know that it will heal. You are in control. 

If you're sitting in a room, and suddenly this crushing feeling hits you like a freight train, then you don't know where it's coming from. You don't know when you will stop feeling hurt. You don't even know if you will stop feeling hurt. You have no control.
And that is a thought so difficult to process in some minds, that they turn to self-harm in an attempt to make it stop.

Addiction and habit can be deemed as good enough reasons for people to self-harm again and again. The act of self-injury releases endorphins, which help calm down the person in question and distract them from the issue at hand... whatever is causing them to feel like this.

When people say 'self-harm', it is common for others to immediately picture cutting in their minds. However, cutting is only one of the infinite ways that people hurt themselves. Other popular methods of self-harm include scratching, biting, hitting, burning and swallowing poisonous substances. There are also less obvious forms of self-harm, such as reckless driving, substance abuse or having unsafe sex. Really, any action in which you are willingly putting yourself in danger or attempting to hurt yourself can be classified as self-harm.

The issue can affect anyone, at any time in their lives. Be they male or female, straight or gay, white or black, rich or poor, popular or unpopular, it truly doesn't matter. Self-harm doesn't judge based on appearance or experience, and neither should we. 

Because right now, society does judge self-harmers. Often cruelly. Sufferers are subject to tasteless jokes and a landslide of abuse. Sometimes they are ostracised, and left to deal with their problems all on their own. And for this reason, among many others, most who experience the issue first-hand choose to keep their troubles to themselves.

No person should feel as though they need to tackle this alone.

I'm here to tell you that recovery is possible. It may not be easy, but I can assure you, it is absolutely worth it.

It takes a lot of hard-work and determination to stop self-harming. As previously stated, it's a coping technique, and therefore it becomes deeply rooted within your mind. At the end of a long and stressful day, it becomes all too appealing to hurt yourself to relieve all of the pressure that has been building up. But sometimes, something speaks out from within us, pleading with us in a gentle whisper not to do this to ourselves. And sometimes, it is these whispers that speak loudest to us.

If you are seriously considering giving up self-harming, then I recommend taking a look at this post. It gives you a lot of reasons why people choose to harm themselves. Choose the one that best describes why you do it, and it will offer you several ideas for what to replace it with. You might not find the one that works for you over night. It might take a few weeks to get it right, but please, don't give up hope. You can and will find the replacement coping technique that works for you.

Also, I suggest telling someone about your experiences with self-harm. Choose someone that you trust, and tell them about your struggles. You can do this in writing if you think telling them face to face will be too difficult. As said previously, it takes a lot of will-power to stop, so it helps if you have a good support system in place to talk to you if you are considering relapsing.

Even if you try your hardest, but still find yourself relapsing, then please do not feel discouraged. I find that the quote that Hayley recently reblogged on tumblr ("It's okay, you can start over") is perfect for this situation. If you relapse, then do not be afraid to start over again. It can take a number of tries before you can finally kick the habit for good. The rewards of finally doing this is worth all of the pain and the struggle of quitting however.
Believe me.

No matter how addicted you are to the pain, no matter how weak you feel right now, know that you have the strength and the ability to get out of this situation that you are in. 

Your scars may tell your stories, but it is you that holds the pen. Choose to put an end to this chapter of your life, because I assure you, what's on the next page will be so much better.

Bullying

There was a time, a long time ago, when the worst that a bully could do was physically hurt you.

Now? Bullies don't need to be in the same room as you to make you feel completely worthless. In fact, they don't even need to be on the same continent as you. From behind the veil of a laptop screen, anonymous strangers can pick up on a person's deepest insecurities and manipulate them for their own sick amusement. Their negativity can pollute the minds of individuals, and even cause them to wonder whether life is worth living.

Bullying is an umbrella term for a large number of different types of abuse:

• Phsyical - The most easy to spot type of bullying. Bullies purposely cause the victim pain by using various violent techniques, such as pinching, kicking, punching and damaging the victim's personal property
• Verbal - This type of bullying can prove to be one of the most long lasting. Name-calling, racist/homophobic remarks, insults, threats and teasing can all be classed as examples of verbal bullying.
• Cyber - The ever-increasing popularity of social networking sites means that, sadly, this type of bullying is becoming all too common. Cyberbullying could be as easy to spot as having nasty messages sent to you, or as complex as having a cruel webpage put up about you. Cyberbullying can take place either publicly or privately.
• Covert - This is the most difficult type of bullying to recognise, as it is done behind the victim's back. Bullies attempt to humiliate their victims by cruelly mimicking them, encouraging others to exclude them, spreading nasty rumours about them and trying to damage the victim's reputation.

Many victims of bullying develop mental disorders such as depression or an anxiety disorder because of the abuse they face in their day to day lives. Their education can suffer too, as those who are bullied are more likely to skip school so they can avoid the torture they face at the hands of their bullies. Loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating and even suicidal thoughts are also potential effects of bullying.  

I will genuinely never understand why people feel the need to make others feel terrible about themselves. I think that it has always been one of humanity's biggest flaws, the need to make others feel bad in order to feel better about themselves. The problem is, the anonymity of online sites means that anyone can get their 'fix' without having to see the consequences of their words or actions. They can't see the damage they are doing to these young lives, and therefore, idiotically believe that there is no damage to be done. Which is, obviously, completely false.

In reality, bullies are typically members of the popular crowd, whose friends would back them up if their victim chose to fight back. Online, they are usually  (but not always) people who have experienced some form of pain in the past, or don't feel properly in control of their own lives, and therefore try to dominate the lives of others to accommodate for this lack of control. They'll pick on those that don't fit in. They'll further exclude those who didn't have many friends to begin with. They'll taunt those that don't adhere to the norms of society. Basically... the most amazing people that you're likely to meet are the most susceptible to being bullied. 

It is said that humans have a number of emotional needs that need be met to live a happy life:

• They need to feel safe and secure
• They need to feel as though they fit in with a particular group or community
• They need to have a sense of control over their own lives
• They need to be given privacy and some time to reflect on past events
• They need to give and receive quality attention from others
• They need to feel as though they have a purpose, or role, in life
• They also need to have goals for the future, as well as feel suitable challenged at all times

Bullying robs a person of many of these needs. The bully is essentially taking the victim's right to happiness away from them, in order to feel more powerful. They have no right to do this.

Their words have become etched on our minds and our hearts, and we allow something within us to retrace their marks. To further deepen fresh cuts. To open up old wounds. We replay the situations in our mind time and time again, and worst of all, we convince ourselves that what they told us was true. 

Hate can do terrible things to us. It turns those who are full of life into shells of the creatures they once were, and it causes people to remove their hearts from their sleeves and tuck it away, deep within the confines of their chest. Why would anyone want to spread that negative energy? Why would anyone want to make another person feel that way?

I really don't have the answer to those questions.

All I know, is that in the UK, 46% of young people have reported to have been bullied at some point in their lives. I know that the figure rises to 55% when only taking LGBT teens into account. I know that 1 in 5 people aged between 10 to 19 have been a victim to cyber bullying, and that approximately 44% of suicides committed by young people in the UK were said to occur as a direct result of bullying. People as young as 9 are being bullied to the point that they don't see any way out other that death. 

It's heartbreaking, but that's the harsh reality of the situation at hand.

Bullying isn't victimless. Bullies may protest that everything said or done was all in "jest", that it was all "just a joke", but at the end of it all, it's not them that have to go home and relive the day's events over and over again in their head. The majority don't know just how much of an effect their words and actions have on their victims lives until it is too late. What's a joke to one person may be plain hurtful to the next. 

Some types of bullying aren't just hurtful however, they are actually illegal. In the UK, violence, theft, hate crimes and repeated harassment (i.e. intimidating emails, name-calling etc) are all against the law, and you have the right to press charges on the bully if they are abusing you in any of these ways. If you are experiencing a problem with cyberbullying, then make sure to keep a record of all of the messages that you've received from the bully. This record should include the date and time that the message was received, in addition to the message itself. 

So, to anyone who is being bullied right now... 

Don't be frightened to get the help that you need to stop this bullying from taking place. If you confide in one person and things don't improve, don't lose heart. There will be someone who can and will help you. Whether it's a teacher or a parent, a friend or a colleague... there will always be someone there to help you pick yourself up when you feel as though the rug has just been pulled out from underneath your feet. You've just got to find the right person and allow for them to help you.

Don't give up hope.
Don't let their words change you. 
Who made their opinion of the world the one we all need to adhere to anyway?

Have faith that things can and do get better and remember that there's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Domestic abuse

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, black or white, young or old, gay or straight... abuse is not sexist, racist, ageist or homophobic. It does not discriminate in any way, shape or form, and therefore, it can affect anyone, at any given time. 

It's a very serious issue, and it most definitely isn't talked about openly enough.

The general belief is that domestic abuse is when a male acts in a physically violent way towards his female partner. In some cases, this may be true, but this only accounts for a fraction of domestic abuse cases that occur. 

This begs the question, what is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is what happens when one person in an intimate relationship attempts to manipulate, dominate or control his or her partner. They will use techniques such as fear, guilt, shame and intimidation in order to do this.

The four main types of domestic abuse are:

• Physical abuse - also known as domestic violence. This is where a man or woman will inflict pain on their partner in any of a number of different ways. Kicking, hitting, slapping, pinching, burning and strangulation are only a few of the many examples of domestic violence.
• Emotional/psychological abuse - Victims often refer to this type of abuse having more of a lasting affect on them than physical violence. Emotional/psychological abuse can be either verbal or non-verbal. The abuser aims to chip away at the victim's confidence and isolate them from the rest of their friends and family, in order to make them reliant on the relationship and therefore less likely to leave. Controlling behaviour, yelling, name calling, humiliating, isolating and threatening are all examples of emotional/psychological abuse
• Sexual abuse - it's a shockingly common belief that abusive sexual acts cannot take place in a relationship. In reality, it is suggested that 45% of all rape is committed by current partners. Any unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual acts are considered to be acts of sexual abuse.
• Financial abuse - this type of abuse limits the victim's ability to get help. The abuser's tactics may include withholding money or credit cards, preventing them from accessing basic necessities or even sabotaging the victim's job.

These are the most common types of domestic abuse, but there are several other types of domestic abuse that exist, for example: 

• Honour based violence  - this is when men or women bring 'shame' upon their family by doing things such as seeking divorce, maintaining inter-faith relationships or being attracted to members of the same sex. The victims are mainly women, but men can be victims too. There are often more than one abuser in this type of situation, considering that the family as a whole seek to maintain their honour 
• Forced marriage - A forced marriage is a marriage that is carried out without the fully informed consent of both parties. These type of marriages usually result in emotional abuse, rape, violence and, in more extreme cases, even murder
• Teen dating abuse - It appears to be growing increasingly common for young people to wind up in abusive relationships, with 1 in 5 young girls reporting to have been assaulted by their boyfriends, and approximately 40% of young people are suspected to be subjected to have dealt with some sort of abuse by the time they leave their teenage years.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 women experience some sort of domestic violence at some point in their lives. It's hard to predict how many people are in abusive relationships, because certain victims are not even aware that they are being abused. 

If your partner have ever prevented you from seeing your friends or family, are constantly checking up on you, continually try to humiliate you in front of others, force you to do things that you don't want to do, keep money from you so you can't buy things that you need or you find yourself living in fear of your significant other, then you are likely in an abusive relationship.

Personally speaking, I would recommend that you get yourself out of that relationship as soon as possible, regardless of whether or not you consider yourself to be in physical danger or not. You may love them and they may swear that they will change, but the tragic fact is, many abusers cannot change through sheer will alone. It takes a lot of time in therapy and a strong determination to change in order to alter these abusive thought patterns, and sadly, some abusers will never be able to make that change. Don't subject yourself to that abuse out of a sense of duty to your partner, or because you feel trapped in your current situation. There are things that you can do, and people that are willing to help.

If you are in an abusive relationship, consider doing the following: 

• Packing a suitcase filled with essentials including money, passports, important paper work and forms of identification, keys for your house and a change of clothes. Keep this suitcase either hidden in your house or, preferably, at one of your friend or relative's house. Try to avoid keeping this at a mutual friend's house if you can
• Make sure to have your mobile on you at all times, and ensure that it is topped up with credit too. Save useful numbers such as your doctor, lawyer and local/preferred crisis centre under your friends' names, so not to cause suspicion if your partner checks your phone
• Be aware of 'the cheap shot'. If you are in an argument with your partner, don't drop your guard for a second. Even something as simple as you checking your watch for the time could give them the opportunity to attack
• Rehearse an escape plan, in case you find yourself in an emergency. Try to go to a room on a lower level of the house, so you can climb out the window if necessary, or a room with a telephone in it and a lock on the door. Avoid rooms with no telephones in it unless you have your mobile on you, as you could then become trapped in this room.
• Keep a diary of the abuse. This could be a record of abusive texts or emails that they have sent you, a record of hurtful conversations or events that have taken place or even photographs of physical abuse. This will provide some evidence if you ever need to testify against your partner
• If your partner checks up on your online habits and phone records, then consider using a computer in a local library or buying a cheap phone that you can top up when needed and hiding it somewhere where your partner won't find it. This will give you the opportunity to look up advice or phone   helplines without having to worry about how he/she will react if they find out what you've been doing.

If you know someone that you suspect is in an abusive relationship, then please take a look at this page. It offers you some advice on what to do and say in response to their relationship.

Above all else, remember that this is not your fault and that you can move past this period of your life. You deserve to be in a relationship where you do not have to live in fear of your partner. You have the right to pursue any dreams that you have, or to be friends with whoever your heart desires. If your partner doesn't agree with this, then something is very wrong indeed.

I'll leave you with this quote from Hayley Williams.

"I don't care if the world or anyone in it tries to drag me down. Because I know that in the end, they will be the ones left tired from the struggle to hold me back."

You have the power to overcome this, and the necessary support to ensure that you do not have to do it alone.

Hearts can heal video

Hey everyone, 

After much deliberation over whether or not I should create a video to tie in with this project, I've finally decided to make one.

But if it is to be a success, then I will need your help.

So, what's the plan?

Basically, I want you to send a photo of you holding up a piece of paper to heartscanheal@live.co.uk. On this piece of paper, can be one of three things:

1. A message for anyone suffering from one of the six issues that the hearts can heal project will be focusing on (suicide, mental health disorders, eating disorders, domestic abuse, bullying or self-harm). The message can be short or long. It could be focused on your own experiences, or not. So long as you use this as your chance to convey hope for the future to the people who may be going through a rough time in the present.
2. If you can't think of a message, then you could simply write out "Hearts can heal" or "Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal" on your piece of paper. 
3. Failing this, you could draw the hearts can heal symbol (see below) on your  paper and send in a photo of you holding up that instead

The crossed heart - the hearts can heal symbol

By taking part in this project, it's a sign of your support for those who are going through a particularly difficult time in their lives right now.

It may not be much, but to someone who feels utterly alone, it might just be enough to convince them that there are people out there who care. It might not be ground-breaking, but one thing that I have learned in this life is that you should never underestimate the effect that an army of whispers can have on this world.

Below is an example of the photos that I'm looking for (this was taken with my iPod so I could quickly write this blog. I'll upload another photo later, one in which the sign isn't over-exposed and the writing is easier to read)

The deadline for the project is Saturday 22nd June. Please send in your photos as soon as possible. 

Please help spread the word about the project, and take part if you can. I really would appreciate your help.

If you have any questions about the video, feel free to tweet me at @parascots, email me at heartscanheal@live.co.uk or simply leave a comment below.

Thank you, and take care.

Lauren

Information about the project

I wrote a short post a couple of months ago detailing what I wanted to achieve with this project, but I was quite vague with the details, so I thought that I'd update you on it.

Essentially, the hearts can heal project will be one week long and it will explore several different topics in a myth and stereotype free manner.

The topics that will be discussed are:

• Monday 17th June - Domestic abuse
• Tuesday 18th June - Bullying
• Wednesday 19th June - Self harm
• Thursday 20th June - Eating disorders
• Friday 21st June - Mental disorders
• Saturday 22nd June - Suicide

For the entirety of the week, those taking part in the project will draw patched hearts on their hands (or wear patched hearts on their clothing, if you're feeling particularly creative) to show their respect and support for those battling the issues being discussed. The symbol of the hearts can heal project looks like the one Hayley drew on her hand during the production of 'Paramore', which you can see below:

If anyone asks what the heart is for, then tell them either that it is in support of the people suffering with whatever issue that day is dedicated to, or in support of the people suffering with the issue that you feel most passionate about. The whole point of this project is to raise awareness of the issues at hand, and present them in a way that both tells you the facts of the issue, and gives you the hope that you can and will be able to overcome it.

Sunday 23rd will be the last day of the project, and it will give people the chance to tell their personal experiences with any of the issues mentioned. You don't need to leave your name attached to your story, if you would prefer to send it in anonymously. This is your chance to show the world that you might have experienced hard times in the past, but you are now a stronger person for facing that and that they can be too.

You can send your stories to heartscanheal@live.co.uk.  

Keep an eye on the #HeartsCanHeal hashtag on twitter for further updates and news.

If you have any suggestions or questions, feel free to ask them below, or tweet @parascots and I'd be happy to answer them there too.

Thank you