Bullying

There was a time, a long time ago, when the worst that a bully could do was physically hurt you.

Now? Bullies don't need to be in the same room as you to make you feel completely worthless. In fact, they don't even need to be on the same continent as you. From behind the veil of a laptop screen, anonymous strangers can pick up on a person's deepest insecurities and manipulate them for their own sick amusement. Their negativity can pollute the minds of individuals, and even cause them to wonder whether life is worth living.

Bullying is an umbrella term for a large number of different types of abuse:

• Phsyical - The most easy to spot type of bullying. Bullies purposely cause the victim pain by using various violent techniques, such as pinching, kicking, punching and damaging the victim's personal property
• Verbal - This type of bullying can prove to be one of the most long lasting. Name-calling, racist/homophobic remarks, insults, threats and teasing can all be classed as examples of verbal bullying.
• Cyber - The ever-increasing popularity of social networking sites means that, sadly, this type of bullying is becoming all too common. Cyberbullying could be as easy to spot as having nasty messages sent to you, or as complex as having a cruel webpage put up about you. Cyberbullying can take place either publicly or privately.
• Covert - This is the most difficult type of bullying to recognise, as it is done behind the victim's back. Bullies attempt to humiliate their victims by cruelly mimicking them, encouraging others to exclude them, spreading nasty rumours about them and trying to damage the victim's reputation.

Many victims of bullying develop mental disorders such as depression or an anxiety disorder because of the abuse they face in their day to day lives. Their education can suffer too, as those who are bullied are more likely to skip school so they can avoid the torture they face at the hands of their bullies. Loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating and even suicidal thoughts are also potential effects of bullying.  

I will genuinely never understand why people feel the need to make others feel terrible about themselves. I think that it has always been one of humanity's biggest flaws, the need to make others feel bad in order to feel better about themselves. The problem is, the anonymity of online sites means that anyone can get their 'fix' without having to see the consequences of their words or actions. They can't see the damage they are doing to these young lives, and therefore, idiotically believe that there is no damage to be done. Which is, obviously, completely false.

In reality, bullies are typically members of the popular crowd, whose friends would back them up if their victim chose to fight back. Online, they are usually  (but not always) people who have experienced some form of pain in the past, or don't feel properly in control of their own lives, and therefore try to dominate the lives of others to accommodate for this lack of control. They'll pick on those that don't fit in. They'll further exclude those who didn't have many friends to begin with. They'll taunt those that don't adhere to the norms of society. Basically... the most amazing people that you're likely to meet are the most susceptible to being bullied. 

It is said that humans have a number of emotional needs that need be met to live a happy life:

• They need to feel safe and secure
• They need to feel as though they fit in with a particular group or community
• They need to have a sense of control over their own lives
• They need to be given privacy and some time to reflect on past events
• They need to give and receive quality attention from others
• They need to feel as though they have a purpose, or role, in life
• They also need to have goals for the future, as well as feel suitable challenged at all times

Bullying robs a person of many of these needs. The bully is essentially taking the victim's right to happiness away from them, in order to feel more powerful. They have no right to do this.

Their words have become etched on our minds and our hearts, and we allow something within us to retrace their marks. To further deepen fresh cuts. To open up old wounds. We replay the situations in our mind time and time again, and worst of all, we convince ourselves that what they told us was true. 

Hate can do terrible things to us. It turns those who are full of life into shells of the creatures they once were, and it causes people to remove their hearts from their sleeves and tuck it away, deep within the confines of their chest. Why would anyone want to spread that negative energy? Why would anyone want to make another person feel that way?

I really don't have the answer to those questions.

All I know, is that in the UK, 46% of young people have reported to have been bullied at some point in their lives. I know that the figure rises to 55% when only taking LGBT teens into account. I know that 1 in 5 people aged between 10 to 19 have been a victim to cyber bullying, and that approximately 44% of suicides committed by young people in the UK were said to occur as a direct result of bullying. People as young as 9 are being bullied to the point that they don't see any way out other that death. 

It's heartbreaking, but that's the harsh reality of the situation at hand.

Bullying isn't victimless. Bullies may protest that everything said or done was all in "jest", that it was all "just a joke", but at the end of it all, it's not them that have to go home and relive the day's events over and over again in their head. The majority don't know just how much of an effect their words and actions have on their victims lives until it is too late. What's a joke to one person may be plain hurtful to the next. 

Some types of bullying aren't just hurtful however, they are actually illegal. In the UK, violence, theft, hate crimes and repeated harassment (i.e. intimidating emails, name-calling etc) are all against the law, and you have the right to press charges on the bully if they are abusing you in any of these ways. If you are experiencing a problem with cyberbullying, then make sure to keep a record of all of the messages that you've received from the bully. This record should include the date and time that the message was received, in addition to the message itself. 

So, to anyone who is being bullied right now... 

Don't be frightened to get the help that you need to stop this bullying from taking place. If you confide in one person and things don't improve, don't lose heart. There will be someone who can and will help you. Whether it's a teacher or a parent, a friend or a colleague... there will always be someone there to help you pick yourself up when you feel as though the rug has just been pulled out from underneath your feet. You've just got to find the right person and allow for them to help you.

Don't give up hope.
Don't let their words change you. 
Who made their opinion of the world the one we all need to adhere to anyway?

Have faith that things can and do get better and remember that there's nothing wrong with asking for help.