The video has now been uploaded to YouTube, which you can below:
You can read some of the stories from the video (as well as a few that I sadly couldn't squeeze in) below.
"I used to self-harm, my family tried to help me and with this blind hope in my heart I eventually believe in happiness again. We all have in ourselves the power."
"I really hope I can help someone with my story, so here I go.
I was born and raised at my grandmother’s house. I used to see my mom everyday, but of course it wasn’t the same thing. I lived there until I was 9/10.
I was a pretty quiet and shy child, awful at making friends. My parents got divorced when I was 8, but to be honest, it wasn’t even a big shock. Me and my dad never spent much time together, we’re not even close now. He doesn’t care about me, but that’s okay I guess, at least my mom loves me.
All my problems started when I went to 7th grade. By the time, I was already living with my mom.
My cousin’s death was the worst.
At school, kids used to make fun of me for many reasons. Because I was shy, because I didn’t had lots of friends, I wasn’t invited lots of times to birthday parties like them and so on. I only had 2 or 3 friends. I was always sad.
Things went out of control when I went to 10th grade. New class, same hell. They used to make fun of me, call me names, ignore me. It was just too much pain, so I end up dropping out of school.
In last year’s January I was diagnosed with major depression. Everything was dark and appointments didn’t helped that much. I started to self-harm in june of the same year. It was the only way I found to cope with everything. In july, I attemped suicide for the 2nd time. My mom found me and took me to the hospital, where I stayed for a month.
For 2 months, everything was fine, I seemed to be getting better and I was getting a bit happy about that. But in October I relapsed again. I was cutting myself again pretty often, I just wanted to be alone, my grades were awful and I had anxiety attacks pretty much every single day. I spent the last 8 months felling horrible and suffering in silence, because I thought I wasn’t worth recovering.
Last Sunday, I tried to kill myself again. I was mentally done. But my mom found and saved me again. After that, I took a deep breath and decided that I want to recover. It will be a long journey, but I think I can do it. This time I feel a little bit more strong to go on.
I’m free of self-harm since Monday. And on Thursday, I threw all my blades away. I don’t wanna cut myself again, I want to recover and not relapse over and over again. So, I really hope me and everyone going through this kind of situation can get through this! Never give up!"
"Hey everyone, my name is Gissel and I suffer from recurrent depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. I'm prescripted on alot of medication and go to therapy with a psychiatrist. Let me tell you soemthing: I know how it feels like and I understand you. I know how it feels like to feel down all the time and not even being able to get out of bed sometimes, or feeling anxious about everything and how some people think you're just "nervous" or overreacting, yes, I understand you. There's a lot of people who does. You're not alone, even if it seems so, you are NOT alone. I used to think I was and tried to commit suicide several times but I'm still here and maybe there's a reason why: we all have a plan here; we have a purpose on Earth. You know, the first time I tried to kill myself, I took a lot of sleeping pills and wanted to take more, but "Turn It Off" by Paramore started playing (it was my ringtone) and it stoped me to take more. That's why I believe everything happens for a reason and if we're still here, it's because we're gonna do something amazing. We all have a purpose here, believe it or not. No matter what you're dealing with right now, it will get better and you will heal.
Life is hard and sometimes it seems like everything gets worse instead of better, but your time will come and everything will be alright. Just keep in mind that you are not alone. There will be always someone for you."
"Domestic abuse is an issue which used to be shrouded in mist, and a mystery to me. I thought it was something that only happened in third world countries, and didn't effect me. But as I've been gaining more respect and trust from my parents, I've been hearing more and more about just how issues like this can be on our doorstep without knowing. My Mum's a social worker for families effected by substance misuse and addiction, and so every now and then she'll come home and have to vent about her day, as it can wear on her an awful lot as she often feels very close to her clients. With this, it's opened my eyes to the fact that domestic abuse is everywhere, and it arises in many different ways."
"I suffered from undiagnosed depression and anxiety for about a year and a half before I got help, and I used self-harm to deal with it (this is an ongoing battle I hope to win). Around this time two of my friends died within 3 months of eachother, which didn't help my situation. I struggled alone for a long time, until I became so scared of the shell of a person I'd turned into and told someone about what was going on.
It's not been easy, I've tried different medications, types of therapy etc. and in November of last year, I was hospitalised for a suicide attempt. I've been at my lowest and I'm fighting my way back. I go to various types of sessions, including art therapy, and I think I'm becoming 'myself' again, slowly but surely.
An important part of recovery is to not just give up when things are difficult, it's important to keep fighting and stay strong. The same goes for a person helping someone through recovery: you have to stay by their side when things are hard and guide them through.
I'm always here for anyone in need of someone to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I've been there, I'm still there, and I want to help.
Twitter: @asdfghjklydia
Tumblr URL: b-r-i-n-k-o-f-d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r
You are more than what you're going through. "
"My name is Shannon and I'm 16 years old. Basically, I haven't told many other people but it's a thing I've got where, when I get either really angry or really upset, I bite my arm or else drag my nails down my arm - a form of self harm. I haven't gone to the extremities of using a blade, but I've thought about it more times than not.
My family would fight with me a lot. I have a little cousin who is 3 years old and anything that she would do, it would be blamed on me, and I know that sounds completely childish, but it's been going on since she was born. She's a little bugger too who would scrab at you and give you little evil looks, then if I walked away, she'd scream the house down and people would scream at me and her mum would hit me really hard, depending on how bad the situation is. So it's usually when it comes to this that I would 'self harm'.
Although, that's not the main reason. I'm one of the many people who hates their body. I feel like I'm way too fat and that nobody would ever like me and every time I look at myself in the mirror, I'm always close to crying, it's that bad. My best friend has been the most supporting person in the entire world and I love her to pieces. She's always giving me pep talks and talking me through things, which I always do the same for her as well. We're always there for each other and it's just the best feeling in the world when I know I've got someone to talk to.
I also have a mild case of Chronic Insomnia. It's obviously not severe and should eventually go away in time, but it's never all too good because it melts my head so much.
Recently, when things have gotten extremely bad, I've briefly had suicidal thoughts but I've never dawned upon them, they've just skimmed along and then they've been ignored.
I guess that my little story isn't much of a big heart breaking or bad thing, but for the person that people think I am, they really don't understand how I really feel sometimes. It was just a little something I wanted to share with you.
In the end though, I always overcome the thoughts, and even though I still bite or scratch, it just helps me to calm down a little more, so I know when to take a breather."
"I’ve always been thankful for the life I lead. The experiences that I’ve had, the people that I’ve met… everything. Even so, I wouldn’t go ahead and say that my life is easy.
I’ve always had a depressive edge. Something that strayed me away from happiness and led me down the path of self-destruction. I’ve been self-harming in various ways since I was around nine years old.
A couple of years ago, one of my loved ones got diagnosed with a terminal illness. The self-harming intensified. My depressive periods, once lasting for only a few days at a time, now stayed for weeks on end. I felt hopeless and alone. The stress of school and keeping it ‘all together’ for my family’s sake got far too much, and I became increasingly suicidal. After a close-encounter with a bottle of bleach and a handful of pills, I decided that I wanted to live. I wanted to live long enough to make my life better for myself, and more importantly, to try helping other people make their lives better too.
Whatever darkness you find yourself in right now, know this: it will soon pass. That is as certain as the fact that day follows night. You will find some light in your life soon. It might not be tomorrow, or the next day, but it will happen and it will happen soon. Don't compare yourself to others, or feel inferior because you don't have this, or look like that. You are exactly as you were meant to be, and anyone that cannot appreciate that does not deserve to be in your life."
"My name's Paula and I want to be as brief as I can telling you my story.
When I was a little girl, I used to be so fat. I was until two years ago, when my body started to change a little bit. All my life was spent hearing rude words about my body. When I was 15, the whole high school started bully me. Therewith, I had a boyfriend who made me psychological abuse. So, with all of this mixed, I started to cut myself. I remember that one day I woke up and I was in the shower. I remember that I caught a safety razor and I can't remember how, but the next thing I saw was my ankle bleeding with a 12 centimetres cut. I tried to stop the bleeding with a tourniquet and then I thought about the only thing I had in life: Paramore, and then I realized that I didn't want to die, that I could move on, because they always gave me the strength to keep going and never stop moving forward. They were my saviors. After all this, I started to be more stronger than I ever was and all the people who used to bully me, stopped. The guy I was dating and I ended the relationship and everything started to be alright.
Now I'm alright. I have friends that care about me and I love them. I saw Paramore three times live, and they put me on stage on Luxembourg. I've met amazing people thanks to Paramore and I'm not hurting myself anymore.
Just think that life puts you in your place and life is a roller coaster, sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, but the most important thing is that someday you'll be up for a long time, because life always gives you second chances. It's worth staying strong even though you're buried down, someday all your expectations and dreams will come true. Just eliminate the negative of your life and keep the positive closer, Hayley knows this and you should too! I hope my story inspires some of you and gives you support."
"I have suffered with depression since I was 18 years old. I'm now almost *cough* 28. I turned to self harm as a form of coping and control at the age of 18, taking the form of cutting, biting and hitting. The control it gave me over my emotions was heady and gave me an outlet for the intense rage I felt and still feel to this day. It was as if all the anger I felt was in one arm, and if I cut, all the pain and rage I felt would be released and dissipate. That only helped in the short term. Long term, I'd end up feeling guilty and even more angry with myself for being so stupid. And so began a vicious cycle. Every time I ended up in A & E needing stitches, it made me feel even worse. I made a conscious decision to stop self harming. Around the same time, I decided I needed to lose weight and go on a diet. At the time I was kicking around a size 12/14. In no way was I obese (like I thought). However, I decided to restrict myself to no more than 500 calories a day. Ultimately, after less than a year after this decision, I ended up anorexic with size 4 clothes that hung from my bones. I waited so long for NHS treatment that I eventually developed Bulimia, which boosted my weight marginally (I'm now a size 6/8) but I've been left with broken/removed teeth, crap hair, no periods and potentially osteoporosis and decreased fertility. I get anxious if I cannot either binge or restrict. If I miss an opportunity to binge I get angry and irritable. If I cannot restrict...again, I get angry and irritable.. I get anxious if I'm surprised with a meal at a restaurant. I can't handle it and kick off. I can't look in the mirror and see what others see, i see a huge, ugly person looking back at me. Yet if i look at a photograph I think "oh well my arms are quite thin, and my thighs don't touch, but then i have fat rolls at my underarms". I cannot physically see a true version of myself. The number of times I've cancelled a night/day out cos I've managed to convince myself that something is going to go horribly wrong is unreal. Mental health in all forms, whether it be a personality disorder, an ED, self harm, anxiety or depression, is horrendous to live with for both the sufferer and their family, friends and partners. The crushing depression I've dealt with, I can't begin to describe. This is made worse by the intense guilt I feel about the hell I've put those closest to me through. The amount of times I've made plans to end my life, 1) to make it easier for myself, cos I can't handle my thoughts and feelings anymore, and 2) to make things easier for everyone else, is impossible to count.
If you would like to share your experiences with some of the hearts can heal issues with us, then please, feel free to do so in the comments below.The "hearts can heal" project is so important, to try and dispel ANY stigma and shame associated with mental health issues. I hate to think that I am a source of shame to anyone."
Once again, thank you so much to everyone who has participated in this project. No matter how small your contribution to it has been, please believe me when I say that is has been much appreciated.
0 comments:
Post a Comment